Sweetheart, if you gonna buy a plug, buy you one big enough to know it’s there. Don’t buy one of those measly ones meant for city folk. You’re from hardier stock”


Christine looked up over the display and saw Stella staring back at her with a grin.  The owner was a legend in her own right. Widowed at a young age, she moved to Maran and proceeded to take over the local bar and the attached ‘gentleman’s club’. Her move into the adult novelty business was therapy after her third husband died and left her too much money to spend in a lifetime. The fact that she loved to stir up trouble with the local politicians was a bonus.


Christine pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head. Stella had a good heart and she knew she could tell her anything. Maybe unloading her secrets wouldn’t be so bad. She looked at the toy in her hand and quickly put it down. Whatever it was modeled after couldn’t be human, and then they had added rabbit ears? She shook her thoughts away.


“I’m staying at the cabin this week. Ronald and I broke up.” She held her head up. Those words would have brought tears and a Cherries Garcia binge just a week ago. Now it was another part of her history. She reached down into her basket and piled a variety of toys on the counter, some of which she would have to look up how to use them.  She was starting fresh and that included broadening her horizons and learning new things. Somehow she didn’t think her mother meant in Ms. Stella’s House of Love.


“I heard that old place needed some work. Have you got people comin’ to help?” Stella deftly placed her new toys in a nondescript bag while staring directly at Christine. Under such close scrutiny she should have felt uncomfortable, but couldn’t help feel protected.  Stella had looked into her soul and found she needed something. Christine wasn’t sure she knew herself, but maybe Stella would help her heal.


“No one. I can fix it up as I go along. I’m only here for a week.” The bells jingled and clanked as Christine let herself out into the crisp, fall air. She had been gone a long time from Maran, but she knew the smell of snow coming from the north.


The thwack of a boot hitting the clapboard was driving Chris to drink. The rhythmic sound was only a little less grating than Greg whistling his version of American Woman. He had two more steps to fix and they could get home before the snow hit.


“Why do you think Stella said we needed to come out here tonight? It doesn’t look like anyone is staying here.” Greg rolled off the uneven porch into the overgrown rose garden. No one was around and he had been itching all day to grab Chris’s hair and force him to take his cock into that luscious mouth and swallow everything he could give. He twisted the house keys around his finger, a smile playing over his lips. He was tired of Chris ignoring his whistling and kicking. Time for a new tactic.

Chris wasn’t prepared for the two hundred pounds of solid muscle that landed him on his back. He geared up for a fight when a hot, warm mouth moved down his neck, slowly licking and sucking. A low groan was the only sound as Greg unbuttoned Chris’s flannel shirt, kissing and sucking each new area that appeared.


“I missed this. I missed you.” Chris’s voice was deeper, the sound of longing unmistakable.  They hadn’t been together in six weeks and it was all they could do to stay away from each other.  They weren’t ashamed of their relationship, just didn’t have much time to spend together.


“Don’t I know it. My cock’s about to rip through my jeans and you’re just laying there on your back enjoying the daylight” Greg smiled as he pulled Chris up the steps, ignoring the grunts and groans of protest as he moved them into the house.


Greg wanted to rip off his pants and Chris’s, push the man down on all fours and fuck him until they both begged for relief. They stumbled into the kitchen, the room lit by the last of the evening sunlight. He’d bent Chris over the table and taken his ass more than once in this very kitchen. There was little stopping him now.  Just that thought had him hard enough to pound nails.


As he bent to kiss Chris, Greg found his face against the heavy wooden cabinets, his arms pinned at his sides, Chris’s hard cock pressed into his ass. He was turned on and needed to get their clothes off, now. Better yet, just slide their pants down and let Chris sink into his hot ass, the smooth heat closing around him, pulling him deeper as Chris grabbed his ass cheeks and pounded against him. His cock wept just thinking about it.


Chris took a deep breath, the smell of sweat and musk curling into this belly. He couldn’t resist leaning over and taking a taste of Greg as he stood pressed against the wall.


“Which would you like more? Your dick in my mouth…or…I could lay you on the table and lick you just the way you like. Let my tongue roll around your hole, over and over, in and out, wetting you for me, relaxing you.” Chris ran his tongue over Greg’s ear and bit down lightly. The shudder wracked both their frames.


“My cock would be so deep in your ass you’d be coming before I pulled out the first time.” Greg pushed and Chris allowed the bigger man to turn in his arms.


“If you were in my ass now, I wouldn’t be the only one coming. I want you to suck my cock and lick my ass and fuck me until I can’t stand anymore. I want you to come inside me, shooting your load so hard you make me come too.” Greg stopped, both panting as they stared into each others eyes.


Within minutes, belts and jeans were landing on the kitchen floor, t shirts forgotten as the temperature ratcheted up to inferno in that small house.


Greg leaned down and licked the precum dripping from Chris’s cock. He relished the saltiness as he swallowed. He tormented Chris with tiny licks around his shaft, moving just enough that Chris groaned in frustration. He rocked his thighs and Greg swallowed a little more with each pass. He had to relax his throat if he planned on taking him deep. He had done it before, it just required patience.


Greg slid Chris’s dick deeper into his mouth, swallowing around him, listening to the swift intake of air. He stopped and fondled Chris’s balls before reaching down to tug on his own rigid cock, just biding his time until he could fuck Chris without stopping.


All too soon, Chris’s balls tightened in his hand and he pulled off him, wrapping his hand low around Chris’s shaft and squeezing. Chris shook from the restraint of holding back and finally climbed down onto the floor.


Greg watched Chris climb slowly onto his knees, his pink, puckered hole open for his pleasure. And they both would find pleasure tonight. Using his hands, he leaned in and feasted. Long, slow strokes, quick flicks and back to slow again. Chris begged with every swipe of his tongue.


“No more!  No more teasing. Just give me your cock or I swear I’ll come without you.” Chris’s hand pumped his cock before Greg could stop him.


“Don’t even think about it.” Greg reached into his tool belt and found the small package of lube he kept there. Once a boy scout…


He smeared the lube on his cock and lay atop his lover, his chest pressing against Chris’s back and his cock cradled by his hips. He slowly released his hold on Chris’s hips and aligned their thighs, centering his cock, thrusting once, breaching Chris’s hole.


Greg heard a muffled “fuck yeah” as blood roared in his ears and it took everything he had not to plow balls deep into the luscious ass in front of him.


“Move, now” came out as a growl that would have Greg laughing at any other time but he was in no laughing mood. He thrust, sharp, in and out, deeper with each pass. He lifted the upper half of his body and shifted, moving his thighs between Chris’s, seating himself deeper in his ass. Both men groaned.

He kissed and bit where Chris’s shoulder meets his neck, pushing and pulling him back and forth onto his shaft. He lost himself to the rhythm, the sounds, the smells as he plunged into him again and again. The pace was too good, the clenching of Chris’s ass around his shaft unbelievable. He couldn’t stop.


His cock was so hard, his balls so tight he knew he couldn’t last much longer. He wanted them to come together and wrapped a hand around the man’s rock hard shaft and tugged. It didn’t take much and Chris came with yell. Greg milked Chris’s dick, semen shoot over his hand and onto the floor.


Watching Chris come in his hand threw him over the edge. He couldn’t stop and exploded, jets of come pulled from his balls and pumped into Chris’s ass, the man under him taking everything he was given.


He came until he thought he would collapse, and still buried in Chris’s ass, slid them both to the floor, utterly spent. He nuzzled his lovers hair and relaxed.


He wasn’t expecting the distinctly feminine gasp, sharp heels on the hard wood floor franticly moving and the slamming of the front door.


“What the hell was that?” Greg groaned.


Chris laughed as he wiggled under Greg. “That was why Stella hired us to work up here.”


Men Don’t Have a Clue

I was talking with an old friend and he finally came clean about his recent divorce. He was so thrilled his new girlfriend ‘fought’ for him. He then proceeded to complain about how much he had to pay out to his ex-wife in the divorce. Yeah, girlfriend had your best interests at heart.

Him: She used to come over when YY was at work. We screwed in my bed.  She couldn’t stay away.

Me: You mean the bed you shared with your wife?

Him: Well, yeah. But that’s not the point. Some women will trick you into leaving your wife. They get pregnant or cause a scene. XX didn’t do that. She lost her earrings in bed one day and my exwife found them.

Me: Really?  Earrings as in plural? What the hell were you doing that two earrings just fell off her head and landed in your sheets? They weren’t rolling around on the floor or caught in the blankets? Because when I lose an earring it never lands neatly in the bed, let alone losing two, and in the same spot.

Him: She wouldn’t do that. She loves me too much. It was just a fluke they both fell off.

Me: You do realize you’re an idiot? She had a plan to win the prize. And don’t get me started on how wrong THAT statement is. It was a competition to take you away from your wife. Too bad your wife didn’t know she was playing. Then again, she may have handed you over on a silver platter. Girlfriend collects her trophy and parades you around until the next challenge presents itself. Wait! She’s you without the testosterone!

Him: You’re full of shit, but lets just say it was you. Would you deliberately leave your earrings in my bed?

Me: Hell no. I’m wearing 2 kt diamonds in 18kt gold. These aren’t coming out of my ears for any man.

Him: Well, what about underwear then. You’d leave your underwear.

Me: Nope. Do you know how expensive lingerie is? Maybe if I was really desperate I would stop at Kmart and pick up a thong to leave, but not any of my real silk.

Him: I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you fight for me? Why wouldn’t you be relentless if you loved me? She fought for me and showed me what I meant to her.

Me: First off, we have vastly different definitions of love. She loved you so much she dragged you through a very expensive, acrimonous divorce, almost cost you your job, your kids won’t speak to you, your coworkers talk about you behind your back, and when you had to sell your big house and move into a tiny apartment she only visits when she’s free. My version of love doesn’t cause pain. Divorces are painful, not speaking with your kids is painful, losing the respect and support of your peers is painful, ending up alone is painful. If I loved you, I would walk away. If you gave up everything for me voluntarily, I’d be right there. I’d do the same for you. That’s my definition of love.

Him: I just don’t understand.

Me: You’re right. You’re fucking clueless.








Chuck Wendig Flash Fiction Challenge

This flash fiction challenge uses a first sentence posted by another writer on the terribleminds blog by Chuck Wendig. His writing books are funny, irreverant, ballsy and full of great info. Not for the easily offended but for those of you with strong constitutions – take a peak.


I stole the first sentence from Phil Norris. I hope I did it justice.


“Lucifer was right, you are a monumental douche.”  Jen closed the door quickly but not fast enough to deter the gold tipped walking stick from blocking the door.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Oh hell. Did she actually say that out loud?  Obviously, and now she would pay for it. She didn’t think her visitor had a sense of humor.

The door swung open out of her hands. She had not been expecting a visitor;  particularly not her father-in-law. She especially didn’t expect anyone to visit while Luc and Gabe were at the club they owned. They were supposed to be home early so they could put the babies to bed and enjoy time together. She wasn’t sure what to do and her eyes moved down the hall towards her sleeping babies. Luc and Gabe never spoke well of their father but she wasn’t sure if she should just grab them and run or attempt to be civil.

Jen backed up. “You heard me the first time. You may as well come in because I doubt you would listen to me if I refused.” The man was distinguished, dressed in a suit that cost several months of her salary. She may not have the money to buy hand made clothes but she did know quality when she saw it. His whole demeanor spoke of wealth and privilege. For the first time since she met Luc and Gabe, she began to second guess their relationship. She was so out of their league if this was their father.

Her hand swept a chair of Luc’s toy trains and little Gabe’s lunch. She wasn’t sure who made the bigger mess in the house, the big guys or the little ones. She listened was glad they both napped. She had a feeling this wouldn’t go well. Where were her guys when she needed a hero or two?

“So how did you meet my sons? They are obviously trying to make a point slumming in this area.” He sniffed and looked around. “ They are playing with this club and it’s time for them to come home and take their places in the family business. They have embarrassed me enough with their behavior.” He perched on the edge of the chair as if he would catch something, his lip curled up in disgust as he glanced around the room.

Jen’s mouth dropped open. “How dare you speak like that about your sons. They are hard workers and help anyone who asks. They are always hiring a new dishwasher or cleaner to protect the pride of someone who would come to the door for a handout. Yes, we met at their club. I was left by my date and ended up in the middle of a scuffle in the parking lot. They made sure I was safe and took me home. They couldn’t be better men.” The red in her face rose as she paced the living room.

“Really my dear. You must be referring to someone else’s children. Lucifer and Gabriel were no good, irresponsible hoodlums before I kicked them out.” He looked directly in her eyes, almost daring her to contradict him.

Jen turned swiftly at a noise in the hall. Luc Jr and little Gabe stared wide eyed at their guest. They did everything together, including playing Houdini escaping from wherever they were placed. She suspected little Gabe was the ringleader. He let Luc Jr charm them out of any punishment with those white gold ringlets and rose bud lips. Little Gabe was the opposite, although none the less charming. He grinned, staring past midnight black hair and the same rose bud lips and knew he was home free. Right now they were mesmerized by their guest, although from the looks between them she knew they were plotting something. They had an uncanny knack at communicating as most twins do.

“I suppose these are my grandchildren, little urchins that they are” he sniffed. He made no move to get up as the boys ran to him, climbing into his lap and treating him to baby babble. He looked into their eyes and she thought she saw his face soften.

The door banged open and Luc and Gabe strolled in carrying a pack of diapers. They stopped dead. Luc moved to Jen while picking up both children toddling toward him. He handed one off to Gabe as both blocked Jen from seeing into the room. She jumped and weaved but still couldn’t see around their shoulders. She didn’t realize they were so tall. They needed to clean above the refrigerator more often she thought. She knew they were safe right where they were.

“Father, what are you doing here? You certainly weren’t invited after you sent us away.” Gabe held onto Luc Jr as he faced down the man sitting in their living room.

Little Gabe whimpered as Luc turned and swung toward the door. “ My son needs his diaper changed and it’s my turn to start dinner.”

“You don’t turn your back on me before I say you can leave” his calculating gaze sizing up both Gabe and Luc.

“Sorry. Luc, I’m right behind you. They both need diapers and bottles. Come on little guy, time to make you smell better.” Gabe walked down the hall, the sounds of giggling and raspberries being blown on Luc Jr’s belly echoing throughout the room.

Jen stood watching the retreating men, unsure if she should follow. She turned when she heard a chuckle.

“I know what you want. Name your price and I’ll pay, double if you leave the kids. I must say it is a sweet deal. Oh, and one caveat, you must never try to see my sons or grandsons ever again.”

“Get out. Get out now.” Jen screamed as she ripped open the front door. “I don’t care who you are, How dare you offer that or that you think I would give up Luc and Gabe and our son’s for any amount of money. Your sons are better men and fathers than you will ever be.” She heard heavy steps as Luc and Gabe slid in front of her.

What have you done now, old man?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” He smiled and looked them all in the eye. “I thought you would be running from the responsibility of a relationship and raising a family. We had bets at home that you would run the business into the ground the first year. Now I hear you are doing well and adding philanthropy to your act. Excellent, but you did cost me a great deal.” He scratched his head. “Your aunt Bath Kol knew you would do well. But then again, she cheats. I should have known better than to bet against her. ”

Luc and Gabe smirked at each other. They loved their Aunt Bath Kol but she still wouldn’t give them the winning lottery numbers.  “You knew how we were doing. Why did you come here? We know Raphael has been making reports to you and the others. And by the way, you may want to tighten Rafe’s leash. He’s gotten to be quite the party boy.”

“We didn’t want to forget anyone at home. So we named the club Fire and Ice, father. Heaven and Hell were already taken.” Luc laughed unrepentedly as Gabe choked on a snort. The tension had eased in everyone but Jen.

She ducked from behind them, hands on her hips. “I hate to break up the reunion but he still offered me money to leave you and the kids. That is not a laughing matter. I want him out of here.” She strode down the hall, her back rigid and head held high. She trusted the guys to do what was best.

Both men looked at their father, arms crossed and stance rigid. His gaze dropped to the ground under their stare, a smile playing on his lips. “In my defense, I was almost sure she wouldn’t take it.” He looked up at them, pride in his eyes. “She’s a good woman. You chose well. Did you boys ever wonder about the change in your life? Why, after so many years, and not to mention a great deal of opportunity, you had kids now?”

Luc and Gabe looked stunned. They stared open mouthed at their father. Could he have been watching out for them all these years?

“Having you two around were some of the best years of my life.” He stared wistfully out the window. “You’ve done so much and grown up that I thought now was a good time to allow you to experience real joy. That includes life with Jen, Luc Jr and little Gabe.” His mouth turned up in a wry smile. “Could you not have chosen more original names?”

Jen poked her head around the corner, her munchkins at her feet. “ I picked their names. I thought about Heracles and Iphicles but settled for Luc and Gabe. So is anyone going to tell me what is going on?”

Lucifer and Gabriel drew Jen and kids onto their laps. They proceeded to tell the story of their lives  (leaving out the beginning of time – they didn’t think she would handle that very well.)  When they explained why their father offered the money as a test of her love she broke down laughing.

“Lucifer was right, you are a monumental douche.”